


syringa vulgaris

by dreaminachittaphon



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Inspired by a Tumblr Prompt, M/M, Mild Language, awful-aus (awful au #196), dont bully kids tysm, i wrote this when i was in my feels, mother mother got me feelin smth, tw; death(?)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-20
Updated: 2018-09-20
Packaged: 2019-07-12 16:50:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15999362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreaminachittaphon/pseuds/dreaminachittaphon
Summary: Lilacs are often the first flowers to bloom when temperatures rise and only last a couple of weeks, symbolising spring, White lilacs, in particular, represent the purity and innocence associated with childhood.Taeyong's never kept an eye out for flowers, but this spring, all that simultaneously haunts and comforts him are the sprigs of white lilac.





	syringa vulgaris

Taeyong both despised and adored the beginning of spring.

He sighed as he fumbled in his pockets for his earphones, putting them in right first and then the left, but didn't bother to play any music. All he wanted was to not be approached, and earphones seemed like a socially acceptable alternative to accidentally snarling at someone. Pulling the hood of his jacket, he spotted the old, rundown corner shop to his left. The neon store-front was taken out, and in front of the door stood a large 'for sale' sign, but to Taeyong, whatever becomes of that place, it will never not be the old corner shop. 

The azure, night sky lightened itself into violets by dawn, traces of pink hanging on for dear life. He looked on as the feeble light traced the little details; merging itself with the flickering street lights in a push and pull, gently embracing the crimson red bricks of buildings and bringing every edge and cut forth. 

It had been two weeks since spring started, and Taeyong was glad that the dawn, although still cold, was kinder to his freezing, jacket-clad body than the first time he went out alone at this hour. He slowly began to walk the usual Thursday morning route, towards an alleyway that was known as a short-cut to the next neighbourhood. It was a twenty-minute walk to his destination, but Taeyong found himself without a choice; he didn't have enough to afford to take a bus every Thursday and figured the walk would be healthy for someone fueled on Redbull and instant ramen. Besides, he liked how it felt to be out at this time- his usual suffocating schedule transitioning itself into tranquil and serenity.

Three years ago, it would have taken all the power in Ten, Taeyong's roommate, to be able to get him out of bed before noon, but Taeyong liked to think he'd changed, liked to think he became a more productive human being, liked to think he was capable of being a role model to no one in particular. Because the truth is, Taeyong genuinely wanted to see kids be good. Not in the form of obedience and conformity, but morally kind, morally generous.

Fifteen minutes into the walk, the young man found himself doubting his morality.

He fidgeted with his fingers, cracking a joint distractedly as he stares at the sprigs of white lilacs ahead of him, stepping forward and then following it with a step backward. His hand reached forward hesitantly, but he retracted it again. 

Taeyong had never found himself so conflicted.

He plucked a sprig off last Thursday, thinking to himself that the owner of this house couldn't possibly miss a sprig. Taeyong liked to imagine his shoulder angel knocked himself out with tequila that morning, hungover and eventually just leaving his fate to his evil counterpart, the shoulder devil. Or, logically speaking, he was probably overwhelmed with emotion; he could just about hear voices calling him a pussy for that. That was what he really hated about spring, not being able to talk to someone about the beauty of nature without a comment that was uncalled for. To Taeyong, this was the first spring he spent alone, and he did not find the solitude enjoyable.

His fingertips gently touched a small petal, tracing its minute curve tenderly. It was one of a cluster of five, and Taeyong smiled softly, remembering that he was once told that those with five petals were believed to bring good fortune. No one sold white lilacs around him, and oftentimes Taeyong would leave a florist's shop with dismay on his face, not knowing when he would see white lilac once again. 

Yet, it was there right in front of his eyes, not having disappeared after last week. Real lilac under his fingertips that did not want to bid farewell. Taeyong slid his hand down, moving along the sprig until he reached the stem. He brought his other hand in front, and gently plucked the sprig off, cradling it in his warm hands.

"Awful bold, aren't you?".

Taeyong froze when the unfamiliar voice spoke, wondering if it was him hallucinating because of how sleep deprived he was. He warily scanned the area around him, until he hears the voice again.

"Yes, I'm talking to you."

The stranger, who Taeyong assumes to be the owner of this garden, and subsequently the owner of the little, white sprig still in his hand, raised an eyebrow at the man rooted to the small space his feet occupied and sighed.

"I still thought there was good in the world, all these people told me, 'No, Taeil, you dumb fuck, the world just isn't like that and never will be'. But we really got people plucking flowers from other people's gardens at DAWN without permission!", the man, who called himself Taeil, indignantly whisper-shouted so as not to disturb the peace of the hour, inching closer and closer to the blinking Taeyong still rooted to his spot.

"I-I can explain, I swear, it's just-", the bewildered man's explanation never concluded itself before Taeil interrupted it.

"Oh, I know what you're up to, the youth these days don't seem to care for nature unless it's to impress someone! Awful impressed your little crush, significant other or spouse is going to be with a little sprig, huh?".

If Taeyong did not already have the word 'perplexed' written all over his face, he sure as hell did now. 

"Sir, I assure you that's not the ca-"

"Show me who this person is."

"It's not for a crush."

"Do I look like a fool to you?"

"No."

"Then why are you taking me for one?".

"I'm not."

"Show me who this person is."

"Do you want a picture or something?"

"So it is a person!"

Taeil snapped his fingers at the supposed thief's sudden explanation, smirking at his own successful interrogation. He was convinced; this stranger was definitely stealing from his own homegrown garden to impress someone. It irritated him, how people these days, engrossed in their own selfish motives, didn't once stop to look at nature and all it consists of as something there just to satisfy them. 

"I'm repeating myself a third time; show me who this person is. I don't want a picture, I want to see them in real life. I want to see if this person is good enough to warrant flower theft", Taeil started again, voice still low. Taeyong opened his mouth to explain himself, but feebly shut it again. "No, I don't care if shit gets 'awkward'. Are you walking or do you have a car? How far is their place?"

"It's a five-minute walk, but-"

"Perfect.", Taeil concluded and slipped on his shoes, running a hand through his disheveled hair. Taeyong figured that even if he explains where he's going, the shorter man would just take it as an excuse. He took off his earphones, winding it around four fingers before sliding it off and putting it in the same pocket as his phone. He stifled a yawn as he waits for Taeil to lock his front door.  
  
"Hey, flower thief, what's your name?".

"Rude.", Taeyong muttered under his breath but turned to the other with a faint smile. "I'm Lee Taeyong. You?".

"Moon Taeil.".

The two awkwardly shuffled alongside each other for a while, Taeyong wanting to slap himself for the sticky situation he got himself in. He genuinely wished he listened to his 'shoulder angel'. For some reason, Taeyong couldn't tell Taeil the real reason; it was on the tip of his tongue, but it refused to leave. Instead, Taeyong chose to ask something.

"Is there a specific reason you planted white lilacs? Like, are they your favourite?".

Taeil chuckled. "Yes and no. They only flower for the first three weeks of spring, you know? I wanted to enjoy their beauty while they last and if I have a garden, why not use it?".

"I see.".

"Are they your favourite or was the flower just convenient?".

"They... well, someone I knew really liked the flower.".

The silence that followed was not exactly comfortable, but it wasn't bad either. The crunching of gravel when Taeyong turned to take a shortcut was pleasing to the ear, and Taeil wondered if he lived around this area if he knew the shortcuts so well. It wouldn't make sense, he thought to himself, for Taeyong to be picking flowers off someone else's garden; if he lived here he'd have a garden of his own. He admitted it was stupid to force this out of a complete stranger for a single sprig, but he was curious. Taeil begrudgingly accepted that he led a boring life; it seemed to get more lackluster after he graduated university and got himself a job, the usual nine-to-five. The neighbourhood was peaceful, but that's all he could say about it. Nothing ever happened around there, and when Taeil finally saw Taeyong, this complete stranger, a strange excitement filled the shorter man.

Taeyong stopped in his tracks, holding the sprig by its little stem and twirling it slowly. Taeil, noticing the absence beside him, turned around after a few seconds.

"What are you waiting for? Come on, let's go.".

The man kept fiddling with the sprig, finally raising his head to look at Taeil and giving him a faint smile.

"We're here.", Taeyong announced in a tone Taeil couldn't place and motioned to his right. As Taeil's gaze followed the motion, he felt his heart drop to his feet as he realized his mistake a good few minutes too late, inwardly slapping himself for jumping to conclusions.

Because to Taeyong's right was, unmistakably, the cemetery.

"I'm so sorry-fuck, I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions.".

Taeyong only nodded at this and took a step forward to the gate. The utter darkness of the sky that transformed itself into pinks and purples was now of orange, and it seemed like the sky came back with renewed strength, taking its time to become strong and powerful before it disappears into the night sky. Its light cast a feeble shadow of the wrought iron fence of the cemetery onto the worn pavement. A pavement that saw footsteps gentle and sturdy, belonging to people carrying the heavy weight of both the coffins of their loved ones and the heavy emptiness and absence that their demise brought forth. Corpses that passed away in their old years, those that died of disease too.

But the ones that angered Taeyong the most; those who were lifeless and buried because of pure human evil. He wanted to know if their cause ever felt remorse, if they ever stepped foot into this locale of melancholy bound with iron. He hoped they were haunted by the lament of sobs, pain and whispered prayers that left their spirit there, suffocating the evil until they too eventually come back, but with a turf on their chest instead. He wanted answers for his endless questions, but he felt like they'd never come, the question mark forcefully being replaced by a full stop where it had no place whatsoever.

Before entering, he turned around to look at Taeil, who was looking on with worry and confusion, unsure of what to do.

"What are you waiting for?", Taeyong mirrored the other man's words back with a smile. "Come on, let's go.".

The crunching of the gravel as they step into the cemetery made Taeil more uncomfortable, the walk endless to his racing mind. Taeil vowed to himself to never make assumptions about anything ever again. Taeyong turned right and the shorter man followed suit, hands fidgeting in his pocket. Alas, the man ahead made a stop in front of a headstone and knelt down next to it, placing the sprig of lilac in the center alongside another sprig that seemed to be yellowing. Taeil speculated whether Taeyong picked one out yesterday too, but chose not to comment on it. He took a quick glance at the headstone.

_Zhong Chen Le_

_Nov. 22, 2001- Mar. 7, 2018_

 

_If you can keep your head when all about you_

_Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,_

_If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,_

_But make allowance for their doubting too;_

_If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,_

_Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,_

_Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,_

_And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:_

_\- If, Rudyard Kipling_

"Hey, big head. Wait, that's probably not what I should be saying in a graveyard.", Taeyong started only to slap his forehead in realization. "Had you been here you'd probably slap me too.".

Taeil knew just how much restraint it took in him to not start laughing, lest he would spoil the serious atmosphere.

"I picked out another sprig for you today, but I got caught. The owner was nice enough to come with me, though. It's almost a month since you left, yet the hole in my Thursdays can't fill. It won't fill, it never will. The old corner shop that sold the chocolate milk you liked so much? It closed down three days ago. It feels like life wants to take everything that reminds me of you far away from me."

Taeyong looked up to the sky, resting his chin in his calloused hands. "After another week, it'll take these lilacs away too. The lilacs that symbolise purity and innocence, that symbolise confidence, that-".

"Fight depression.". Taeil completed his sentence without missing a beat. "The lilacs that get rid of negative energy too.".

Taeyong's eyes left the sky and turned to Taeil instead, with a look Taeil couldn't pinpoint but one which he, in a way, could understand.

"I find it ironic, how he fought off negative energy yet it's the negative ass people, the negative ass mindset, the negative ass society that killed him.".

"How did- how did he die?", Taeil asked, trying to be more tactful but found himself unable to find better words.

"Bullies.". Taeyong's expression went from one of a gentle nature to hard, eyes burning with anger. Taeil noticed how his jaw and fists clenched, nostrils flaring with heavy exhalation. "They fucking choked him to death. What monster does one have to be? To raise a child to kill someone different than they are. And what monster does one have to be to defend that killer?"

"Did they get a prison sentence?".

"The maximum for minors.", Taeyong shut his eyes as his entire body shook and trembled with his breathing. "But to me, it doesn't feel worth the crime. To me it feels too less. Sure, they're minors, but what kind of a goddamn environment has the minor been raised in to think killing a different person is the solution?".

Taeil took this in silently, fixating his eyes on the quote on the headstone.

"He was one of the best people I've met.", Taeyong answered the question Taeil was thinking of like he read his mind. "I've learnt more about stuff from Chenle than I have from grown-ass adults. After meeting Chenle, something in me changed. His mother didn't like me being around him because she thought I was a bad influence. And I don't blame her. I was... a mess in that time.".

"You changed after seeing how mature he was?".

"Honestly, yeah. After meeting him, I wanted to change myself. I wanted to be a good influence for kids so the world would have better people in the future. I'm insignificant, I can't do much, but I wanted to start from the kids I see everyday.".

Taeyong turned to the headstone again, his shoulders still tense.

"The last lilac fact he ever told me, I remember that Sunday.".

"What was it?".

"Lilacs were used to mask the scent of death."

 

**Author's Note:**

> http://awful-aus.tumblr.com/post/116941769918/awful-au-196
> 
> “Sometimes I steal flowers from your garden on my way to the cemetery, but today you’ve caught me and have demanded to come with me to make sure the "girl is pretty enough to warrant flower theft” and I’m trying to figure out how to break it to you that we’re on our way to a graveyard" AU


End file.
